Monday, October 24, 2011

Ragnar #187 We're Not Dead Yet!!

Oh my goodness I don't even know where to begin! We were suppose to use our Expedition as one of the vehicles, and at the gas station while filling it up the night before the radiator completely exploded and my sweetheart rented us this beast!

Thank heavens, because we really needed the room with the girls, the coolers, the bench to stretch out on after you ran, etc, it was perfect! I was so worried about not having enough energy that an hour before my first leg I took a "5 Hour Energy" full of caffeine shot that seriously made me feel shaky and like I was going to have a heart attack! Never again. So my doubts continued until my second leg in the middle of the night, but I had a little to eat and lots of water to drink leading up to it, then just ran and every now and then chewed up a GU block, and it was GREAT and I had so much fun... even got surprise by my 3 men on the way with a banner and flashlights!!

Going into the Ragnar I thought, okay you run for an hour then sleep and chill for 12 until its your turn again, no biggie. HA! What a load of crap! There is tons to do the whole time, from driving, to navigating, to getting ready, taking care of others, resting after or being the runner, you are go go going the whole time when you are part of the team! Thank goodness for the team house in between with a mom to cook and a slave to do laundry :) they took such good care of us that we had a couple of hours to shower and rest or stretch if you are me!

Pain, lots of pain hit our team with injuries... but it brought out the true colors of my team mates that I appreciated so much (Love those with integrity, thankful to know who uses and blames others!)

What mattered was that those hurt did not do more damage, and that those who were less hurt were willing to be the "Clean Up Crew" so we all could finish and get medals. On my final leg I had a pop in my knee with P-A-I-N! Stink, crap! I went so slow, but was SO thankful for Capt'n G who knew I needed encouragement and knew I needed to finish it for ME, and allowed me to even at a slower pace!

We came together and conquered the Ragnar... but most of all I conquered my self and now believe in myself once again! xo

Thursday, October 20, 2011

One Million Things!

I leave for the Ragnar team house in just 8 hours and feel like a fellow Ragnar runner who posted on facebook: "I feel like im at the top of a roller coaster, thinking "oh crap! here it comes!"

I'm still a big girl, I still emotionally eat and still eat for enjoyment! I have however started to lift my butt, have gained muscle, have strengthened my ♥ and built up endurance... overall great for my health and for that I am proud of myself!

This morning I wanted to go for a little jog, just so I wasn't stiff tomorrow, so I did my first 1 mile loop, the one that made me cry at the beginning of summer Ü Yes I was breathing hard going up and back down, but I kept great pace, talked the whole way, and found myself smiling and even laughing, then finally commenting that "This really is fun!" Then I laughed harder, not believing I only said it, but actually believed it!

Out of the million things I have to get done before I leave tonight at 5, I really wanted to remember how I feel, what I have accomplished, and to remind myself, my friends and my family to enjoy this life, keep trying, and have fun along the way! xo

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Two things:

Okay I know it's been a while since I have written, and that's because there has been a TON going on with school, kids, sports, funerals, last minute trips, etc... honestly a whirlwind the last month!
Thing 1: We meet at the team house for Ragnar in 2 days!!!
Thing 2: Did you hear me?? Ragnar is in 2 days!!!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

35 days!!

I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks. School has started, for all of us, and time is GONE along with sleep! I've kept up with training and yesterday went for 100 minutes of torture!

OKAY, last week we started juicing, all the time, our kitchen looks like the produce isles at the grocery store! I was so excited for energy and weight loss... or not! I not only didn't loose a pound, I gained 2! Also, I felt so exhausted, even more than normal, and the greens gave me the stinkiest gas and diarrhea ever! Lucky girl, I guess for 1/2 its awesome and the other 1/2 need to ease into it because their/my body goes into shock! :P

So, as of this weekend there are only 35 days left till the Ragnar, I am so totally excited and starting to get nervous! xo

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Leg 17

Yesterday morning I woke the whole fam up at 5 am, which I really didn't want to do, but there was a good purpose... I was going to run Leg 17 for the first time! It's my 2nd leg in the Ragnar, the one I will run in the middle of the night, and my longest distance at 5 miles, and not knowing the roads and it being early in the morning I felt it was safest to have my 3 men follow me.

We started at Mission Park and I dreaded the first 2 miles that were all uphill, but found that I kept my jog going for the first 7 minutes, then leapfrogged the rest of the way up. I was thankful they were there because at that point I really wanted a sip of water, and big brother was hanging out the window happy to be the bottle boy!

The last 3 miles were downhill which was great, except I found that my shoes don't have enough support on the inside of my heels, so they really ached after about a mile straight down, and I leapfrogged even though my legs and lungs could have endured more the rest of the way to Acacia Park.

Hubby didn't start the GPS at the beginning, so when I clocked the distance after this is what was done: 5.24 miles in 1:10:00 for 13:22 pace, NOT BAD for walgging it for the first time! xo

Friday, September 2, 2011

Summer's Over!

This morning I woke up, walked outside and instantly as I felt the air on my face felt, cool. refreshed, energized to go run... and in a flash thought OH NO, MY SUMMER IS OVER! I absolutely love the heat of the day, not getting chills, frozen grapes, kids dripping popsicles, playing at the pool, and wearing flip flops every single day! I drink a ton of water, I love my skin with a tan, and feel alive! Today I felt that all slipping away, and I honestly am not ready to see it go!

On to the run: I met Miss Alice and we went 2.85 miles in 39.07 minutes for a 13:02 pace! Not bad my friend. It would have been faster, but about half way through I had serious bladder issues that would not let me run faster, take bigger strides, or go further distances :P RUDE! I felt like I was leapfrogging it when I honestly could have gone faster and THAT drives me nuts! I seriously almost lost it on the home stretch because the SPRINKLERS WERE GOING! Good grief!

Looks like I will be waking up earlier so that I can visit the ladies room TWICE before I run! xo

Monday, August 29, 2011

New Start

Last week I ran only on Tuesday, only 2 miles... ugh

So, today I declared my official NEW START! It's the first day back to school for me, hubby and the kiddos. It's the day to be organized, keep moving, and YES I started with my run!

So, I went 3 miles in 45 minutes, STINK SUCK CRAP! but it can only get better from here because I am going to be dedicated, steady and LOVE the ride! xo

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Week's review!

Last Saturday's run totally didn't happen as we were loaded up to drive to California...

Monday I did the 1.45 mile loop in 19:20 minutes for a 13:23 pace.

Thursday was the next and I again did the 1.45 miles in about 20 minutes for a 13:48 pace, about. My watch didn't start time, who knows what I pushed, the winds were insane and strong, and I was just glad we stayed standing upright!

Today I wanted a longer route, we are only 9 weeks away from the RAGNAR and I need to increase my distance and pace so I don't mentally freak out on the course Ü! Miss Alice joined me and this is what we did: 3.8 miles in 52:41 minutes for a 13:52 pace!

K- so mentally I am going through a lot right now, bot me and hubby are registered for college classes (first time in over 8 years) plus homeschooling 2nd grader and pre-k, plus possibly moving at the end of this month, plus haven't trained regular and am still totally unhealthy towards myself... this has to change! Honestly I am holding myself back by being a Debbie Downer and allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by life, ITS JUST LIFE! I had a little breakdown inside because my body went into shock, totally not use to all of this and I need to keep going with a positive attitude and realize I haven't done anything EVER like this and I am way further ahead than I was a few months ago!

Miracles are about to happen, cause it's the RAGNAR baby, and it will be fun!! xo

Friday, August 12, 2011


This is what I have heard in my head this week, trashy 80's movies where you think someone is going to do something and last minute the joker yells out SYKE!! Am I really going to run or last minute yell at myself and the rest of the world... SYKE!?!?

Well on Wednesday I did my 3rd run in as many days, went 2.4 miles in 34.30 minutes for a 14.23 pace, took Thursday off (hallelujah!) and went today 1.5 miles in 19:20 minutes for a 13:20 pace.

Saturday am suppose to go for 55 minutes... SYKE... or is it? xo

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Next Day

Felt like going for just a small jog, totally felt like I had weak ankles for the first half, but fine the second. Went 1.45 miles in 19:39 minutes for a 13:33 pace! Whoot whoot! xo

Monday, August 8, 2011

It's a Monday!

Best weekend ever... baby baptized, tons of family fun, followed by my body physically crashing Saturday night aching and dead, sleeping till 2pm the NEXT day, still aching and feeling irritable, going to bed in good time, then woke up at 4:30 still feeling OLD!! I think my emotions just wiped me out physically :)

Did the week 2 intervals, going 2.4 miles in 34:50 min for a 14:31 pace... not bad for 100 years old, it's done! xo

Friday, August 5, 2011


Okay tomorrow my baby gets baptized and I woke up thinking, i have to nair my face & arms, color my roots, go grocery shopping, wash sheets and press church clothes...

FORGET IT, go run! So I went 3.15 miles in 44:19 for a 14:04 pace... should have been better and this is why! I totally jogged non stop for 1/2 mile! twice!! And then I picked up these two books adding 11 pounds for the last 1/3 of a mile! Overall a happy girl! xo

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Tired :/

not necessarily tired physically, as in lack of sleep, but emotionally! This is a big week, my baby is turning 8 tomorrow and going to be baptized... its a big one! One of those milestones you look forward to, but now that its here I wish it were in another year or two. Time is just passing too quickly with my brown bear, and I worry. I worry about how I am as a mom, how I love, teach, and prepare him for life and eternity. So much goes through my mind and I love that I get to be the one to share every day with him, but do I do enough?

It took me an extra half hour to get my mind together enough to get out the door! But when I did I was pleased Ü Honestly. There was a strong, hot wind from the south, I put on my week 2 playlist, I started up the hill and thought "This is crazy!" but kept up with the intervals. Going down the first hill I skipped the walk and did 2 legs of each in the jog! Intervals cutting back over and while going up the next hill got tired during the jog, walked less than 5 seconds then picked it back up. While crossing over I started the jog earlier and then jogged the last 1/4 mile without stopping! Huge for moi!

Went 2.1 miles in 28:54 for a 13:46 pace. Now on to finish party plans! xo

Monday, August 1, 2011

Back in the saddle!

Okay, so this weekend I was sore and deep-ended quite a bit (ashamed to admit, but I at one point even thought of quitting the Ragnar!), wishing my times were better than they are as distances increases and not wanting to disappoint my team but more so myself vs thinking about what I am doing that I have never done before, and it's pretty great!!

So, I decided to jump back on the C25K to help me walking but hate their sites techno crap music, but found and really like Carli''s Fat*Fit*Fierce podcasts for the training! After 2 months I am only on week 2 of endurance and did it! :P So, the run was just right, but the walking seemed a bit long, overall I am going to stick with it and hope my endurance builds!

SO- today I went 2.4 miles in 34:59 minutes for a 14:35 pace! I have to remember that 2 months ago I cringed at jogging for 15 minutes which now really is nothing, so in another 2 months I will feel that way about today! It can only get better from here Ü xo

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Catching up!

I honestly don't know why I haven't blogged, last week I kept up on my runs except for kids being sick and missing the Saturday big run. I was so bummed, and emotionally it freaked me out not accomplishing it...

Okay so this week at a glance is:
Monday 1.45 mile loop in 19:34 for a 13:30 pace.
Hold on, it gets worse!!
Skip till Friday when I did the same 1.45 in 20:15 for a 13:58...
But the worst yet was today Saturday I did the big run,
going 3.2 miles in 46:07 for 14:25 pace... what the crap??

PS Today my hip flexors were so tight and sore, so I started researching and found this on :

Tight muscles and poor flexibility will contribute to hip flexor injury. When muscles are tight, there is an increased amount of tension on the tissues.

Hip flexor strain can also be caused by compensation for other injuries, or weakness of other muscles. This is common if you have core weakness. When the lower abdominal muscles do not stabilize the pelvis, the hip flexor muscles will try to compensate for this weakness and become overworked.

The most common symptom of a hip flexor strain is pain. It occurs along the front of the hip and may radiate down the front of your thigh.

Running can be painful, and your sports performance may be limited.

Once your pain begins to subside, after a few days, you can begin gentle stretching of the hip flexors.

Improving your flexibility is the key to successful treatment and prevention of re-injury.

Preventing hip flexor injury focuses on good flexibility, as well as making sure you warm up before you go full speed. Warm muscles are much less likely to be injured. So take the time to warm up and start slowly before you go all out. A good flexibility program will also help to reduce the tension on the muscles, and reduce your likelihood for injury.

**So, I've been talking to Molly about doing yoga on the days I don't "walog" and that plus more stretching morning and night is just what I think I will do! xo

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Tortis vs The Hare

This morning there were three, myself, Ali and Capt'n G for our jolk! It was good for me, I think Miss Alice out of love and friendship has stayed at my pace, but can run so much faster so much longer and I encouraged her to start (so she can make up my time in the Ragnar Ü), and G was about the same... FOR HER FIRST RUN OF THE YEAR, I've been at it for a couple of months now! UGH!

She gave me great tips, like breath deep and slow, pick your knees up and keep your shoulders back, and to get the podcast for C25K back on so I can narrow the walk time and extend the jogging! All so very helpful!

So today I know we could have gone faster, it was just new to have 3, but we did a 1.8 mile loop in 25:03 min for a 13:55 pace! Slow and steady wins the race... or so I will tell myself today! xo

Saturday, July 16, 2011


All week long I had been dreading today, I saw that I had to go for 40 minutes and mentally that freaked me out! How would I keep moving? How far could I go? This is stupid and I should just stop. No, I'll go but shorten the run if I get tired...

No joke, this is what was repeating in my mind! Last night was date night and Yaya & Sunshine kept the boys for a sleepover, and I thought, PERFECT we will have a great night and I can get my run in! We had a great night and I didn't set my alarm, not for AM anyway Ü so I woke up in a panic at 5:45 am and quickly got dressed and was out by 6! I saw the route of 2.95 miles, and thought "well, I'll see how long each section takes me."

Honestly, this whole this is more mental than physical for me!

I got to the top of my first hill and was shocked I was at 10 minutes vs 15! Went down and then up the next and was only at 20! Went back down and as I was started up the last hill a friend drove by and waved, which made me laugh and I thought "you may take longer, but you can do this route!" I did the 2.95 mile route in 40:40 for a 13:47 pace! I'm slow, I get that, but I did it and didn't stop and kept my butt, my feet, my knees, my lungs going for 40 minutes, and I really am proud of myself! xo

Friday, July 15, 2011

I'm confused?

Woke up, had a special visitor, and thought "no, not now! After 10 months I am in no mood and really cannot have this. Stretched, dressed and went out the door!

It was a perfect morning, very slight breeze, almost a bit cool feeling, refreshing compared to the last week! I met up with Ali and off we went. We went 1.45 mile in 19:05 min for a 13:09 pace. Am I getting slower, what is going on? Also, I saw that my tracking widget is rounding things...I want exact! So I'm going to search the WWW and get myself mentally ready to go 40 minutes tomorrow! xo

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Pace what?

Last night I actually went to bed in decent time (not great but decent), and woke up on time, stretched and felt awake as I walked out the door, yet from step ONE I could not feel my feet hit the pavement! Honestly, I could feel my legs, my butt, my lungs, everything, but it felt like I was balancing on peg legs without my feet to stabilize me!

It's not like after you hit "the wall" and you can keep running.
It's not numbness, and the tingle that goes along with it.

It simply felt like there was no foot! Probably sounds crazy, but I kept stopping because I felt like I would FALL OVER. I searched the web and couldn't find anything on the topic. :(

On the brighter side, I went 1.65 miles in 21:27 minutes for a 13:00 pace. Not great, but not too terrible... kinda disappointed if I am honest. But I went. Okay that's something. xo

Monday, July 11, 2011

Andale! Andale! Yeehaw!

Only 4 hours of sleep :P dragged to get out the door for 6am meet, met at 6:05 :( it was already hot, I felt like crap, it was a total Monday morning.

We did a new leg, was suppose to last 20 minutes but we are so speedy gonzales that we cruised through it!

Route today was 1.3 miles and we did it in 14:35 for an 11:13 pace!

If you are too young to know what I'm talking about, here's your sign Ü! xo

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Talk, talk, talk...

Maybe its too early in the morning for posting,
maybe I'm just too tired to know,
but it seems like my world is full of a lot of talk right now!

Talk about food, nutrition, organic, healthy, supplements, recipes, value, taste and preparation time!

Talk about life, and everything in it. And today I ran with a friend and as nice as it was to be with someone else so early in the day, I think the jog/talk/walk ratio was off because we did 1.8 miles in 26:01 minutes for a 14:27 pace! Maybe it was because it was my 3rd run in as many days and my body really cannot go faster, but less than 30 minutes after finishing all I can think is THAT SUCKS! I am glad I got my 3 runs in (even though this week there should be 4), next week must be better! xo

Friday, July 8, 2011

Next Day!

Ali was a trooper and went with me this morning at 4:15am... yes 4:15!! She wanted to do the 1.24 mile loop and that early in the morning who am I to argue Ü We did it in 15.39 for a 12:37 pace.

I had to buy a new swimsuit at while swimming tonight (and laughed with Angie at how many of us women will continue to wear threadbare that make us look WORSE) my baby came up, put one hand on each boob and asked "what's this?!?!" when I told him he then notified me they were "so big and soft!" He's three, ha!

I have been at 15 minutes, but tomorrow for my 3rd run in a row and 3rd run of the week I am suppose to go 25 minutes. I've averaged 1.24-1.5 miles so I have a 1.8 mile loop that is straight uphill for the first 1/2 and straight downhill the second! Wish me luck! xo

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Bring on the HEAT!

I ended last week with a head cold, then didn't bother to run on Monday because it was

... to celebrate I slept in with my sweetheart! No big deal, I'll just go Tuesday, unless I sleep in with nightmares. Okay Wednesday for sure, unless I spend the morning searching for my iPod I put on the bathroom counter with all my clothes! If I miss one day I'm toast UGH!!!

Today I slept in again, woke up at 7 and was determined to to find my iPod, which I finally did in my makeup bag (thank you 3 year old Ü) put my clothes on because I AM TRAINING FOR THE RAGNAR, walked out the door at 7:45am and into 85 degree weather where I ran a new route: 1.5 mile in 15:51 min for a 10:34 pace!! Shut up! I seriously checked myself 6 or seven times and seriously its true!! So bring on the heat of pressure and the heat of the desert, this girl accepts the challenge! xo

Friday, July 1, 2011

Turn the Faucet off!

I swear this was me last night, and it just wouldn't stop! I finally propped a dozen pillows on my bed, laid down (sitting up) and drifted off to sleep around 1 am... only to have the alarm go off at 5 for my morning jog.

I want to call it a run, but that's not really what I do, its a jog/walk at this point. There was a lady also on the road who was walking her HUGE English Bulldog, and as I passed them I told myself, you are jogging NOT walking, this is good!

I ran the usual 1.24 miles in 15:38 min for a 12:36 pace! TGIF xo

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

It Blows

Left at 5 am, the wind was hot and blowing so hard.
1.24 miles in 16:11 minutes for a 13:03 min/mile.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Yee Haw!

I was up late, woke up with family a million times, snoozed the alarm about a dozen times, then HAD to get up or my time would be gone and the days opportunity too!

6 am, humidity, sun in the eyes and HEAT! I thought I had no endurance, that I was going shorter distances of jogging before walking, but overall I went the 1.24 miles in 15:01 min for a time of 12:07 min/miles!!

I was so proud I actually did it in 15 minutes! Then I compared it to the beginning of the month when I went 15 min/mile and with my knees up and iced I am one happy girl! xo

PS left knee aches, but wearing brace

Friday, June 24, 2011

Not Dead Yet!

After a night of no sleep, up with our oldest and a terrible ear infection, our kitchen looks like the lab of Dr. Jeckyl with homemade ear candles, rubbing alcohol, garlic infused olive oil all still there today as proof of the night we all tried to conquer unsuccessfully. It is terrible to see your baby in pain and feel so hopeless because YOU-I could not take it away. He finally went to sleep at 4am, daddy had to leave to work at 5, and this was the only chance I was going to get to get my 3rd run in for the week!

I was out the door and immediately assaulted by the desert heat and unforgiving wind. I wanted to just turn back, crawl into bed and say "Forget it! I actually have a good excuse!" But that is all it would be, an excuse!! Miss Alice met me, and we started our iPods and jogging uphill against that brutal wind, and I felt my whole body weaken. I was angry at the lack of strength I had today! About 1/2 way uphill I silently cried to myself as I tried so hard to keep going. Thank goodness for friends, and the love, encouragement, and support they give when I need it the most. Together we got up the hill, and back down in almost the same time as I have been. WE DID IT! I still cried as we finished, exhausted, and worried about the morning ahead of me. I went the 1.24 miles in 15:47 min for a time of 12:44 min/mile. I'm not dead yet.

Ironically my Ragnar team Captain G signed us all up officially, and we each needed to add our personal info to our profiles online under our team name NOT DEAD YET! (TEAM #187= official cop code for DEATH! Ü) I laughed out loud, added this picture of ME thinking of how my teammates are going to be wondering "is this girl for real?" and that's just it- I'm a real girl, a real wife, a real daughter/sister/and aunt, a real mom, a real 30 something who is getting real! Captain G is #7, Miss Alice #8, and I am #9 and so happy to take on this challenge with these two friends and 9 others! I then added Monty Python and the Holy Grail to the #1 position of my Netflix DVD list, showered, and will now start my day! xo

Monday, June 20, 2011


When you are first dating someone and things are so exciting, brand new, and you think "I could totally be with this person ALL the time, we get along perfectly!"

As the years start to go by, you've disagreed, had hurt feelings, and maybe even wanted to walk away. (Not me of course...but you!) But something keeps you in the relationship, because you probably don't LIKE the person at that moment, there is something bigger!

Today that's a bit how I felt about my training, I did it, and I'm glad I did, but it didn't feel fun, I felt the potatoes and way yummy apple grape gravy I ate with roast for Father's Day yesterday... in my side, in my ankles! And it reflected in my run, the same distance of 1.24 miles took me 15:48 for a pace of 12:45! Crap dog!

But overwhelmingly I feel that relationship with the training, I will keep going, not just for the Ragnar this fall, or the Rock & Roll Relay next spring, but because ultimately I want something bigger than just the run, but the health and the strength for the rest of my life! So happy Monday,as much as I did not like the run, I do like knowing that it will get easier because I am committed! xo

Friday, June 17, 2011

Hip Hop Hooray

I love my marmee, yesterday she picked me and the kids up for lunch & the woman just loves! She can't help but sincerely care for any and everyone, and I came away from our time together so thankful for her and the example of what a good person she is to me. The day got better, in the evening my wonderful Cousins of Character stayed the night and again I felt so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life that I am lucky enough to call my family. During our visit I found out one of my great-aunt was having ♥ troubles that she was seeing a doctor for, and I was thinking about our families collectively in their health. There are a few who keep their bodies healthy, but for the majority as life gets busy, and trials come their health goes on the back burner...

sounds oh so familiar! That's exactly what I have done for the last 15 years as I still continue to work out issues from adolescence and not just get through but overcome the ones faced still. Which inspired me to do my run today, thinking "this is why you are doing it, to change the pattern!" but not just for me, for my boys and anyone who will ever read this, YOU CAN DO ANYTHING you put your mind to! Our Heavenly Father gave us these amazing bodies that if we take care of them they will serve us well for many years, at least that's what my genes tell me!

I had one grandmother die of breast cancer, but healthy until the day she needed to go home. Her sweetheart passed at 90, working on his roof the day before having a stroke! The other grandparents are in their 80's and still kickin'! If I'm going to be here a while, why not make my body into one that can enjoy many things available because it CAN!

Today felt like my throat was on fire, and my chest was going to explode, but step by step I did it and really feel good about it! I did the 1.24 mile loop in 15:17 for a 12:20 min/mile, my fastest time so far, and 5 seconds faster than last week, hip hop hooray!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Why Do I Bother?

Lately our conversations have been about watching and listening to our children, finding out who they really are and what they want to become, and a sincere desire to help them achieve it. We are not perfect parents, but really desire to encourage our kids and help them reach their potential!

I know I write this blog, that anybody and their dog could read it, but very rarely do I tell people out loud that I have decided to run the Ragnar or like I decided earlier this week to run the San Diego 2 person Relay with Molly Ann next June, because I am working so hard to encourage myself and don't want to hear any criticism... its just not necessary!

Well today I was having a phone call, at at an intimate moment felt like sharing that these 2 upcoming races, just to hear LAUGHING followed by "What are you two thinking?"

I couldn't believe it, my heart sank and I was so hurt. I couldn't take it back, and they didn't want to. Why did I tell anyone? WHY? I had to hang up the phone and cry. It was like being vomited on, or a shooting target, or like every flaw or insecurity I had had since a little girl was written on my skin for all to see and that I would never be able to change or get away from.

After feeling so low (only a few people in my life could make me feel that way, and why twice in the same month??) I told myself I would prove them wrong. I made a decision to do this for me, that I wanted a lifestyle change, that I wanted to experience the confidence one gains from completing these great things, and that's just what I will continue to do, every day because that has not changed. I bother because I want my life to be even better, and I want to show my kids that they can do and be anything they are willing to work for, that's why!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Time is of the essence: play in the water with my boys at a splash park when I am in my workout clothes and they are in swimsuits and older brother "doesn't want to get wet" yet is splashing others it is important to act right away and drag him in your clothes into the fountains! Then laugh... visit with a friend in need of talking, because you sincerely care, and you know not long ago that friend held you while you cried... tell "Prince" stories while snuggled on the bunk beds, because one day all too soon he won't ask me again, and I will be willing to give ANYTHING to have him ask and not be "too old" or "too cool", I adore these moments... have the "Weezer, get off my bench!" wars with my sweetheart until the morning hours, teasing and giggling, because if he were not there I would have wished I had heard him laugh followed by his arms wrapped around me so soft as we fall asleep together... get up and change my workout behavior so I don't rely on will power, even going on little sleep, and even though the air is 90 degrees at 5 freaking o'clock in the morning, because if I don't, I won't and it will quickly just go away. But I DID, (1.245 miles in 16:08 min= 13.01 min/mile)
and even though 30 seconds slower overall, there were much longer distances of continued jogging, and that IS success...

...and in recreating the breakfast little boys dream about, and enjoying every bite with them! Oh YES I DID Ü and loved every little moment, because I do believe time is of the essence! But tonight I will go to bed earlier, so I am better prepared to conquer myself with more energy tomorrow! xo

Monday, June 13, 2011


On a Monday morning what goes through my head is "Why did I eat that cake before bed? I took 2 days off, will I be slow? I had to stretch my butt meat all weekend and it still hurts! Don't be slower than last time!"

But 6:30am came around, on went the shoes and garb, the iPod is full of 90's trash rap that, and with the outcome being 1.24 miles, 15:22 min, pace is 12:24 (2 seconds faster than Friday... hey faster ISN'T slower) all I have to say is WHOOMP there it is! xo

Friday, June 10, 2011

I'm late...I'm late...

I slept through my alarm and it was totally late and hot outside and I was thinking of maybe just going tomorrow, but then it's Saturday and who knows what the family will be doing!

FORGET IT, I got my shoes on and attacked the 84 degree weather! I worried if I would go slower because it was hot, if I would go slower because I didn't have a friend to push me, I worried because I left! I did the same 1.24 mile loop in 15:25 for a 12:26 min/mile!! Cheers to me! xo

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Butt Meat Ü

This morning I conquered another huge goal, I went with Alice on my jog! I don't let anyone see how pathetic I am, yet I did, and it was great! We laugh because we have been gym rats for so long we both carry our cute Asics to the gym to put them on, so they are pretty all the time, BUT NO MORE, we are rockin the road baby!

We did 1.24 miles in 17 min for a speed of 13.43 min/miles! Whoot woot! My weight is going down, and my iced knees are going up!

I know I am suppose to ice the knees, but man would I like to ice my butt instead, but not really my butt, the gray area unnamed to the scientific world where the thigh and butt meet but should be separate visibly... mine just blend (blend, blending is the secret...NOT HERE!) I feel the burn here and was telling my love that I think I will have a great butt from doing this, and he affectionately said I was working my BUTT MEAT! I laughed so hard, and would ♥ a ghetto booty like him and brown bear, so here's to me and my BUTT MEAT! xo

Monday, June 6, 2011

A new day, ahhh!

How blessed I am to have friends that I share intimate life experiences with, but after weeks of hearing their trials with children, husbands, neighbors, family, and life in general my heart was feeling sad. I went to the temple on Saturday night and had the chance to do initiatory work and be blessed and uplifted. I always walk away saying "why don't I come more often?" and this was no different. I went into my fast Sunday remembering what I heard and how I felt, and in RS they had a beautiful lesson with this theme:

I loved it and sent it to the women I adore! With this as my focus I keep turning to myself, my physical trials, and how with the Lord all things are possible. I have a wonderful husband who is supportive but does NOT want me to injure myself. This is so sweet, but inside myself I have to PUSH, I know I can, I know HE will help. I have NOT been able to find my iPod and have use that as an excuse, but today is officially DAY 1 of WEEK 1 for the Ragnar training, I put on my shoes, my clothes, pulled my hair back, stretched and hit the road for my 15 minutes!

UGH I hate seeing pictures of myself, but pictures are taken anyway so I am using this to motivate myself even further! I went 1 mile :P one lousy mile! It was uphill going, and downhill coming back, the wind was blowing, I was huffing like a steam engine, but I did it! It is harder than the elyptical, harder than the treadmill, the actual road and elements is what I NEED to train with or I just know I will not be ready...but instead I WILL BE!
I came home to ice the knees, and blog about it, and in the seat cushion of my chair I found...

and now I am a happy girl! xo

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Oh NO you DIDN'T??

Have you even confided in someone with your most intimate personal feelings about YOURSELF the way you never have before to anyone (including yourself!), believing they would always be your dear friend, and maybe knowing this about you they would have a greater understanding of the psychological struggles you are facing and ENCOURAGE you while you strive to overcome them?

After taking this leap of faith with a friend, have they ever said to your face how much they dislike that part of you AND your body, the very things you told them you desire to change and why!!!

Well, it just happened to me and let me tell ya, it makes me feel like crap, so sad, and really not like trusting anyone! I feel like I can type this because I really only think Molly and Angie read this anyway, and I KNOW they would never... but someone else did, and as I sit here awake at 1:00 am I am finally allowing myself to cry.

Earlier I was watching our cousin, then putting kids to bed, and usually when I finally have that quiet moment alone I EMOTIONALLY EAT: ice cream, chocolate, peanut butter, something, anything! But I made a promise to myself that I was going to run the Ragnar.

So, at 10 pm I put on my workout clothes and shoes, grabbed my headphones and the gym keys, and off I went. I wanted to get on the treadmill because it was the next best thing to the road, which in Vegas I am not about to do that late at night, but it was broken! Not to be defeated tonight I jumped on the elliptical and this is how I did:

After I was proud of myself, but still couldn't sleep :( so I showered, made Ad his lunch, painted my toesies, and did a load of laundry. I'm doing this for ME, and either people like me or NOT, but I will strive to love myself and take care of myself regardless! xo

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I cried!

Tonight was so stinking windy, but I threw on my workout clothes and new Asics, and out the door we went, me ready to do my first jog/fast walk, and the boys following on bikes! I started off strong with the wind at my back, and then came the first hill and I was huffing harder than a woman in labor... I think :/ Anyway, I did it and went a total of 1.5 miles in 24 minutes, I vow it to be the slowest I will EVER go again! Right after, I swapped Adam, and he began his jog while the kids and I biked behind which was fine out of the parking lot! Then the first hill came and big bro was struggling (so was I, but I just yelled). Then a flat... ahh relief, but oh dear then the next hill, then the next! He stopped a few times crying, and I stopped ahead of him, my head on my handlebars, tears coming down because I am SO out of shape! I'm so ANGRY, so upset, so depressed, and ashamed that I have not only allowed my body to go to crap, but I am teaching my precious baby to be lazy and he is now struggling! Failure Parent #1 right here!

Adam was out of sight for a long time now, and we finally made it up the hill. Right then when we both knew we would survive this ride my son, that darling little boy, he did it, he compared us and our fat, chubby, out of shape bodies to GARFIELD! I was shocked, but he was right! And that made me feel even worse.

We got back home, and about 5 minutes later here comes Ad who had LAPPED us! Sick! Oh well, we rode our bikes for 1.7 miles and it only took 35 minutes! Ha! But tonight big bro and I decided to work hard together, like the SPARTANS!

Monday, May 16, 2011


K- I have committed! My girlfriend has been asking for Ragnar peeps to join in, and all I could say was Ummmm... literally! This "Brain Cloud" I have allowed to control so much of my life is about to move on! Just like Joe, I realize that this life is for living, I've always known it, but still feared failing at it, but now I will enjoy and conquer it! I told her yes, today I pay my $ and also begin training! Cheer me on folks, a girl can use all the help she can get! I'm adding a countdown calendar to the blog for excitement! xo

Friday, April 29, 2011

Narrow the road...

In the world of food there are many options! But for healthy food it is a much smaller menu that you choose from. On this diet I am constantly surrounded by others food choices that ummm smell so good, BUT if I stay on "the narrow" and don't waiver from what I know is right to eat at this time, I lose a pound a day, and THAT is great! I keep repeating a line I have said to my baby sister for a couple of decades "Be brave little toaster!" xo

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Don't stop...

I woke up FRUSTRATED at a pound heavier! What? Maybe it's Easter weekend catching up from me, so I won't give up on the diet or exercise! A common lunch I eat is the chicken apple salad with red wine vinaigrette, and if I feel sassy I'll mix in Dijon mustard with the vinegar before drizzling!

Today the boys and I did Yoga and boy were we all gasping, it was awesome!


Monday, April 25, 2011

LOSER...not me!

Okay, so what do you do after A WEEK of following the diet to the T and not seeing a single pound of loss? Well, you spend Easter weekend eating everything yummy you want while laughing and enjoying friends and family!

I have a few simple goals, like outrunning my children, having space between my thighs, smiling with only one chin, and having my iPod fit all the way on my Oprah arm!

More than anything I wanted to be a big LOSER this past week and wasn't, but today is Monday, I have my new Asics on, and my weight had better watch out! I have the boys Lego boxes under my arm (that have been banned for a week because of all the little pieces everywhere) and today I start C25K week 4 training!


Saturday, April 16, 2011

Fresh Feels Good!

Ya know how after you've spent a half a day detailing your filthy mom mobile, nothing in the world feels better than to go take a shower and get "the stink" off of ya? That's how I'm starting to look at food! Don't get me wrong, I love a good burger, or a good pizza... but not the whole thing! I realize that there are many food habits we both were raised with that I want to do differently, so my kids don't have our same struggles. Like having cheese on everything, sauces smothering, and unhealthy snacks readily available. In making this mind shift I need all the support I can get, and little inspiration and encouragement makes such a difference... like this, coming home to find my mom there to play and color with my boys for the afternoon AND my sweet VT has left a bag of yummy fruits by my door, knowing that we are super strict and still giving ♥ and support!

My big problem is that I get done with a "diet" and don't have a plan for food afterwards. Yesterday I saw a recipe for this great mixed pepper and tomato salad with a meatball slider on the side and thought "NICE" that would be really yummy, well balanced, and beautiful! I need to find more of these meals, until then, this is how I'm getting creative Ü

Have you heard if this amazing group Bountiful Baskets? A bunch of the women in my ward are a part of it, and last week brought me some extras and WOW it was so beautiful! So this morning I went with my girlfriend to help put baskets together and see what exactly it is. We left at 5am, and if you know me, you know on a Saturday when Ad is prepared to wake up early with the kids and let me sleep in, that's pretty darn amazing! I got there and saw so many women I want to know better, women I really like and look up to, and women who are both like my VT-ers! There's a huge truck that quickly by these women is unloaded with box after box of produce and put into piles, then baskets are assembled and passed down the line until you finally look out and see over 300 baskets overflowing with cantalope, onions, apples, oranges, bananas, carrots, celery, lettuce, lemons, and strawberries each for only $15! Then you look behind you and all those who ordered are lined up across the street to pick up, it really is incredible and you should check them out at! Bless their ♥'s they even sent me home with yummies for helping out!

Long of the short, what I'm saying is that not only eating, but preparing, and being around fresh food and those who do likewise just makes me feel good! xo

Thursday, April 14, 2011

What have I done?

NOTHING YET, why, because I am FAMOUS for putting myself on the back burner. Together my sweetheart and I have each gained weight back this winter, only to be upset that we allowed it to happen and focused MORE now than ever on NEVER allowing ourselves to be this destructive again.

I've added this cute little ticker to the right, I totally love to see count down's, time, chores, vacations, and now MY WEIGHT! Little by little I want to see myself get closer to my goal! So, what is the main plan:

Get on the scale every day!
Report weigh to one another!
Care enough to eat right!
Be active and enjoy this life!

I have been back on HCG for almost 2 weeks and am pleased as punch! I have people all the time tell me I am ridiculous, but I know this works for me, I know I see results, and I want my life back so I am dedicated!

I have started clipping coupons that (again is very time consuming) will be given time to help save $ but will not take over ME!

My baby sister is so wonderful, and this week she has encouraged me to add Yoga, because it WILL strengthen all the supporting muscles while not burning too many calories while doing HCG. Deep breathing, strength, flexibility... sounds good to me!

Some people like food, but I actually love food, love making fun and beautiful food, and enjoy all the flavors of great food! So I need to get creative with food that is good for me, it too can be beautiful and delicious! So, today's lunch is Chicken & Apple lettuce wraps with a dijon mustard & red wine vinegarette!

I'm past hump day, so I'm headed outside to play in the sun! xo

Sunday, February 20, 2011

New Year... In A Nutshell

Okay, my last post was right after I ended my last round of HCG! I was lower than I had been in almost a decade, I bought all new clothes, I chucked last years swimsuit along with 3 full garbage sacks of clothes, and was feeling great!

I wanted to start building muscle, since I felt like I had none, and need some anyway...
then there was Thanksgiving...
and then Christmas...
can you say FUDGE, CRAMEL, and TOFFEE oh my!
I cooked, I baked, and yes I ATE!

Then my girlfriend and sweetheart both started rounds of HCG and I went nuts and started with them to (even though I was NOT suppose to until February) but I was so excited to get back on, gain back control, and lose any I had gained during the holidays, BUT IT WAS TOO SOON, and I was not seeing the results, so I stopped, not wanting to do more damage than good. Ugh.

On top of that I started homeschooling our oldest, which meant we had to do all school work for the first 1/2 of the school year by the end of January... which was insane! We did it, but I found that once again, old habits die hard! I was munching though out the day because of nerves wanting to "do it right", I also was eating like crap, not taking time to prepare healthy meals, AND I put myself on the back burner by not getting dressed/doing hair & makeup (which makes me feel better, and I know this) I was running around in sweats with my hair in a knot on the top of my head! PLUS, I was potty training the 3 year old which in its self is like 2 full time jobs, that thankfully are done! Double Ugh!!

Okay, so here it is, 2011, a new year, school is all caught up, and life will NEVER be easier than it is today! I've been talking a lot with Miss J, who I really relate a lot too, and am inspired by, who gave me this site and I am hooked!

Scared to death is more like it, what if I fail, what if I'm weak, what if I can't do it? I hate this part of me, and I have "what if'ed" it to death all week long, and tonight is my last night to worry! Starting tomorrow I am starting the program, my exercise clothes are washed and layed out all ready, and I have downloaded the podcasts onto my iPod for a no-brainer workout that will tell me when to walk & run! I will do this, I have always wanted to and allow everything else get in the way! I can do this, and want to feel what everyone else in enjoying so much when they talk of running while I shamefully hang my head and hope the conversation doesn't turn towards me. PLUS, here in town on October 21st there is a relay run, it's a 12 person team and goes for 187 miles called the Ragnar that I would love to do this year, if anyone wants to join in LET ME KNOW and check it out

So, there it is, no going back now :)