Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Oh NO you DIDN'T??

Have you even confided in someone with your most intimate personal feelings about YOURSELF the way you never have before to anyone (including yourself!), believing they would always be your dear friend, and maybe knowing this about you they would have a greater understanding of the psychological struggles you are facing and ENCOURAGE you while you strive to overcome them?

After taking this leap of faith with a friend, have they ever said to your face how much they dislike that part of you AND your body, the very things you told them you desire to change and why!!!

Well, it just happened to me and let me tell ya, it makes me feel like crap, so sad, and really not like trusting anyone! I feel like I can type this because I really only think Molly and Angie read this anyway, and I KNOW they would never... but someone else did, and as I sit here awake at 1:00 am I am finally allowing myself to cry.

Earlier I was watching our cousin, then putting kids to bed, and usually when I finally have that quiet moment alone I EMOTIONALLY EAT: ice cream, chocolate, peanut butter, something, anything! But I made a promise to myself that I was going to run the Ragnar.

So, at 10 pm I put on my workout clothes and shoes, grabbed my headphones and the gym keys, and off I went. I wanted to get on the treadmill because it was the next best thing to the road, which in Vegas I am not about to do that late at night, but it was broken! Not to be defeated tonight I jumped on the elliptical and this is how I did:

After I was proud of myself, but still couldn't sleep :( so I showered, made Ad his lunch, painted my toesies, and did a load of laundry. I'm doing this for ME, and either people like me or NOT, but I will strive to love myself and take care of myself regardless! xo


Angie Larkin said...

Oh Sara! What in the H E double hockey sticks? I'm confused how that is even possible in "friendship". Crazy. I'm sorry. You shake it off sister. You are totally inspirational. You are the reason Nic and I are in the middle of Round 2 right now! You are one tough mama. You can do it!!

Em and Jorg said...

Just been reading through your SECRET BLOG, Sebela! I love it. You are soooooo amazing!!!! I am so inspired by you, you have no idea. I do all that emotional eating stuff too (as you know). And also struggle to get my butt out the door to run. You are so beautiful - inside and out.

I am crossing my fingers that it isn't me you were talking about that made you sad on your May 25 post! I know we met in St. George around that time. ANd that we had deep talks that night. I hope you know that if it was me then you totally mis-read me because I see you as nothing less that beautiful wonderful and amazing. And I love you! If it was me, I am so so so so sorry! Congrats on finishing the ragnar! xoxoxo

"M" Clan said...

No worries girls, it wasn't either of you, and I am so much stronger now, happier now. Love love love just seeing your names & faces! xoxo Thanks for the love! xo