Oh NO you DIDN'T??

Have you even confided in someone with your most intimate personal feelings about YOURSELF the way you never have before to anyone (including yourself!), believing they would always be your dear friend, and maybe knowing this about you they would have a greater understanding of the psychological struggles you are facing and ENCOURAGE you while you strive to overcome them?

After taking this leap of faith with a friend, have they ever said to your face how much they dislike that part of you AND your body, the very things you told them you desire to change and why!!!

Well, it just happened to me and let me tell ya, it makes me feel like crap, so sad, and really not like trusting anyone! I feel like I can type this because I really only think Molly and Angie read this anyway, and I KNOW they would never... but someone else did, and as I sit here awake at 1:00 am I am finally allowing myself to cry.

Earlier I was watching our cousin, then putting kids to bed, and usually when I finally have that quiet moment alone I EMOTIONALLY EAT: ice cream, chocolate, peanut butter, something, anything! But I made a promise to myself that I was going to run the Ragnar.

So, at 10 pm I put on my workout clothes and shoes, grabbed my headphones and the gym keys, and off I went. I wanted to get on the treadmill because it was the next best thing to the road, which in Vegas I am not about to do that late at night, but it was broken! Not to be defeated tonight I jumped on the elliptical and this is how I did:



After I was proud of myself, but still couldn't sleep :( so I showered, made Ad his lunch, painted my toesies, and did a load of laundry. I'm doing this for ME, and either people like me or NOT, but I will strive to love myself and take care of myself regardless! xo

I cried!

Tonight was so stinking windy, but I threw on my workout clothes and new Asics, and out the door we went, me ready to do my first jog/fast walk, and the boys following on bikes! I started off strong with the wind at my back, and then came the first hill and I was huffing harder than a woman in labor... I think :/ Anyway, I did it and went a total of 1.5 miles in 24 minutes, I vow it to be the slowest I will EVER go again! Right after, I swapped Adam, and he began his jog while the kids and I biked behind which was fine out of the parking lot! Then the first hill came and big bro was struggling (so was I, but I just yelled). Then a flat... ahh relief, but oh dear then the next hill, then the next! He stopped a few times crying, and I stopped ahead of him, my head on my handlebars, tears coming down because I am SO out of shape! I'm so ANGRY, so upset, so depressed, and ashamed that I have not only allowed my body to go to crap, but I am teaching my precious baby to be lazy and he is now struggling! Failure Parent #1 right here!

Adam was out of sight for a long time now, and we finally made it up the hill. Right then when we both knew we would survive this ride my son, that darling little boy, he did it, he compared us and our fat, chubby, out of shape bodies to GARFIELD! I was shocked, but he was right! And that made me feel even worse.

We got back home, and about 5 minutes later here comes Ad who had LAPPED us! Sick! Oh well, we rode our bikes for 1.7 miles and it only took 35 minutes! Ha! But tonight big bro and I decided to work hard together, like the SPARTANS!

Holla!

K- I have committed! My girlfriend has been asking for Ragnar peeps to join in, and all I could say was Ummmm... literally! This "Brain Cloud" I have allowed to control so much of my life is about to move on! Just like Joe, I realize that this life is for living, I've always known it, but still feared failing at it, but now I will enjoy and conquer it! I told her yes, today I pay my $ and also begin training! Cheer me on folks, a girl can use all the help she can get! I'm adding a countdown calendar to the blog for excitement! xo